Seoulstice

The Simple Pleasures

One of the unexpectedly wonderful things about the South Korean experience is the ubiquitous use of English with varying degrees of success.  English can be seen all over the place: on T-shirts, buildings, coffeehouses  - everywhere.  Quite often, however, things are just a little bit…off.  Here are some of my favorite examples:

1. There are three things that are on every block in Korea: Karaoke, convenience stores and coffee shops.  One of my favorite cafes has adopted this perplexing slogan:

2. Sometimes things are simply stated awkwardly.  For instance:

3. This is definitely the most unintentionally offensive.  The question is: at what point is blatant racism forgivable due to ignorance?  Korea is an extremely homogeneous society.  Their treatment of race relations has not been informed by the same experiences as in the US.  I didn’t know whether to wince or laugh when I saw this (note the bust, perhaps for effect?)

4. Now, my personal favorite.  One would think that shampoo manufactured by a global conglomerate like LG would have someone on staff who could have red-flagged this one:

I personally find examples like this impossibly adorable…except maybe the racist one.  I have to applaud them for attempting to engage with a foreign language and for giving me a good chuckle. 

I wonder if Daejeon sells Dijon?

I know I’m still a couple weeks behind on blogging, but I’m trying, ok!? 

So my week from hell in Seoul concluded on Friday, March 18th.  We were instructed to schlepp all of our belongings from the hotel to training because immediately following training, we were going to be shipped out to our respective cities - Daejeon, in my case.

I was thrown on a bus where I spent two hours listening to Lady Gaga, primarily, and reflecting on what I had just been through.  As well as trying to predict what was to come. 

I had no idea who, let alone if, someone would be waiting for me at the bus depot in Daejeon.  It turns out there wasn’t much of a depot speak of.  I was dropped off in front of a gas station with no inkling of what to do next.  Was I supposed to look for someone?  Honestly, I was so tired and run down that I couldn’t be bothered to panic.

Fortunately, I had typed my contact’s phone number into my phone before I left Seoul.  So I approached two complete strangers nearby, showed them the number on my phone and asked them, by gesturing, if they could dial the number on their phone.  Koreans are bafflingly generous.  They dialed the number and handed me the phone.  I was told to wait five minutes and they would be there to pick me up.

I waited and sure enough, I was accosted by a very nice lady who threw me in a van and drove me to my new apartment.  After a quick glimpse of the apartment, I was whisked to my school where I was given the grand tour.  I was so exhausted, that I could barely comprehend the words that were spoken, so I mostly just nodded and said “uh-huh.” 

Then on Monday I started teaching.  More on THAT later…..

We are soldiers. We are machines. So are they.

First: why has it taken me so long to update my blog?  Imagine moving to a new country, enduring a hellacious week of training – essentially a weeklong crash course.  Then, on that Friday, you move to a city 2 hours away, then begin teaching the following Monday.  Oy vey, right?   

So let me backtrack a little.  Let’s begin with training.  I arrived in Seoul late Sunday night, after a 12-hour flight mind you.  Monday morning marked the start of my week of training – a week I will NEVER forget.  Why?  It was probably the most intense, grueling experience of my life.  Why?  From the moment we woke up until late into the early hours of the morning, it was “go go go” – practice, practice.  The word training is woefully mild.  A more apt description would be boot camp.  

This is a private school that I am working for – an English Academy.  So they have a highly developed curriculum and very specific method of teaching.  They’re intent is to provide the students with the tools to think like a native English speaker.  They emphasize critical thinking skills.  Every answer the students give must be justified, if not outright challenged.  They’ve adopted the Socratic method of teaching such that students are called upon at random to answer questions for the class.  It’s like law school in that respect.  No one can afford to not pay attention otherwise they will be a deer in the headlights when they are called on.  

The material with which these students must grapple is very high level.  Some of the textbooks contain near college level reading and very complex problem sets.  It’s remarkable.  

So training was designed to sculpt us into the teachers that the academy demands.  Their intent was to transform us into teaching machines, capable of quick thinking and able to demonstrate to students how to deconstruct and reconstruct academic writing.

The students that attend these private academies are themselves cyborgs.  They attend their regular schools from 8am – 4pm, then go to academies from 4:30-10:30pm, meaning they are in school for upwards of 14 hours per day.  Then they must go home, complete their homework, go to bed at some ungodly hour and repeat the cycle the next day.  It’s nuts!

I had nary anytime to experience Seoul, but I managed to snap a few pictures along the way.  I will definitely return to the city soon – it’s only about an hour from Daejeon via the bullet train.   

Cities in Korea are filled with visual stimuli.  Some streets are 8 lanes wide and some can barely accommodate one vehicle.  Vehicles and pedestrians must jockey for space in many of the narrow side streets. 

Rather than transport people, this particular subway train was something of a grocery store housed within the car.

Subways in Seoul were tremendously crowded.  At times, people would plow themselves onto the train.

Is This What You Discuss On Flights To Asia?

For a 12 hour flight, it was as pleasant as could be.  I initially declined the first in-flight meal, but after I saw that they were serving the cutest little assortment of Korean fare, I was quick to reconsider.  They were serving Bi-Bim-Bap with pollock soup, kim chi, sticky rice and egg.  Far more exotic than your typically lifeless airplane food!

After the meal?  A glass of red wine.  A digestif, if you will.  Oh, that inescapable blue REI Nalgene bottle?  Yeah, it came with me to SoKo.

For entertainment, there were a hefty 39 channels from which to choose and not a single one to my liking.  It was reminiscent of surfing through Comcast cable back home with 500 channels, only to exclaim “there’s nothing on TV!”  I suppose I shouldn’t have expected to stumble across an in-flight airing of Judge Judy or Family Guy ; ) But that certainly would have made my day.

After juggling between music, reading on the Kindle and drilling some rudimentary Korean phrases into my head via podcast, I finally capitulated and opted to watch a couple of movies.  It began with that absurd Denzel Washington movie about the runaway train with a bajillion tons of toxic chemicals on board, barreling toward a city of 750,000.  Then I watched “Megamind,” which was completely delightful and hilarious.  Though I’m not sure I would disparage anything that features Tina Fey. 


The highlight of the flight was what occurred as we were deplaning.  And by highlight, I mean the most awfully disgusting.  There was a middle aged man, wearing a Hawaiian button down, sunglasses dangling from his chest, who I had noticed throughout the flight was being slightly greasy and flirtatious toward the flight attendants.    As we pulled up to the gate, he was conversing with another male passenger, indicating that he was taking a connecting flight to Manila, where he would remain for four months.  Instantly after he said that, the dots connected in my head and my first thought was “God, I wonder….” 

The other man inquired, “What are you doing in the Philippines?  And for four months!?”

“Oh, I’m going to find some ladies down there.  They’re so nice.  Find myself a wife.  I’m a good guy - I’ll take care of them.  As long as I take care of them, it’s okay, right?” he said smugly.

No shame.  As if the 20 people within earshot had no idea what he was doing - essentially finding a mail order bride.  As he elaborated on his plans, I literally cradled my head in my hand wishing I could un-hear it and also feeling ashamed of my gender.  Ick ick ick. 

After I went through customs and got my bearings, I immediately caught a bus to downtown Seoul.  The ride was long and hot.  By the end, I was so exhausted and uncomfortable that I was convinced that I was going to vomit from carsickness. 

I then had to catch a cab from the bus hub to my hotel.  In the midst of my fatigue, I mistakenly referred to my hotel as Kotex instead of Coatel.  Considering my driver was a borderline elderly Korean man, I don’t think he was wise to female hygiene products, but I still felt like a complete idiot. 

Ah well, I suppose I’ve written enough for one night.  Still trying to adjust to my new surroundings, new diet, new people, new, new, new. It’s been a grueling couple of days and sleep hasn’t come easily.  I bummed around the city a bit today - I’ll talk more about that next time…

Moving Along, Nothing to See Here

Yes, I realize I used the word “peak” when I intended to use the word “peek” in my Facebook message.  A blight on my typically flawless grammar ;-)

Sad Start, Flu Scare, Day of a Million Tasks

Before I went to bed last night, news of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami had begun inundating the news.  It was precisely the type of event that did not need to occur two days before my departure.  As if my poor mother needed another reason to fear her son traipsing around the distant lands of East Asia.  After viewing the footage of the tsunami, even I felt the twinge of apprehension!

Wednesday night, a fun night overall, brought its fair share of “WTF.”  During the midst of a lovely happy hour with my dear Lisa, I received an e-mail from the folks in Korea indicating that I would need to have my H1N1 flu vaccine prior to my arrival.  Awesome.  Could this have been brought to my attention, say, more than 3 days before my flight? 

As it turns out, I get the flu vaccine every year.  And this year was no exception.  So I went home and scoured a mound of paperwork in the hopes that I could find the record of my vaccination.  Ah ha!  Success!  I even got a duplicate copy from the pharmacy, took a picture of it, and sent it via e-mail to Korea.  Flu scare crises averted!

Now today, the day before my departure: exhausting.  I spent the entire day bolting from place to place, stocking up on clothes, dealing with my cell phone contract, halting my gym membership.  Packing.  Cleaning. 

Amidst all the pandemonium, I still happened upon some time to jot down my thoughts.  Perhaps the wine has helped.  My farewell glass…  Tomorrow will be a day that I will surely not forget…

My, What A Large Package You Have

My most foreign experience to date?  Vancouver, BC. 

With that in mind, consider the naive concerns plaguing me about traveling to a destination as far-flung as South Korea.  “Like, you mean I can’t just flip on my iPhone and use it??”  No.  No you cannot.

Also, how am I going to get my Trader Joe’s Fiberful fruit belts?  Those form a core staple of my diet.  Everyone likes to be regular, no?

So the burden of acquiring an adequately sized suitcase was a daunting one.  How much stuff, exactly, am I taking?  I was informed that deodorant is an oddly difficult accessory to come by.  I’ll tell ya, that’s not terribly comforting.  It gets hot and humid there!

I perused the city for a nice, stately suitcase.  And like a beam of celestial light, there it was.  A Big. Ass. Suitcase.  I scooped it up and dashed home, eagerly anticipating filling its vast interior.

I jimmied it out of my trunk and plopped it on my bed.  My mistake was immediately apparent.  This thing was so grand, it could have accommodated the smuggling of at least one of my friends into the country. It was like a Christmas tree: it looked so much smaller outside the house!  I rifled through my toolbox for my measuring tape.  According to my calculations, I would incur a $110 fee to check a suitcase of these epic proportions.  Oops.

Deflated and sapped from the day’s other stresses, I was forced to concede that over zealousness had gotten the best of me.  A trip back to the store for an exchange was needed to correct the error.  Suitcase in tow, I schlepped myself back, only to end up with a suitcase that is not only smaller, but cost $20 more than the biggie.  Well, que será, será, I suppose…

All that, and this was all the packing I could stomach today:

Learn to be Lonely

Having spent the past four weekends steeping in the company of the wonderfuls that surround me in Portland, I continue to ache for how difficult my departure will be.  I recently purchased an Amazon Kindle in order to read unfettered on the plane and, of course, in Korea.  However, the insurmountable sorrows of leaving will doubtlessly preclude the enjoyment of a good airplane read. I will leave mournfully, gazing over my shoulder.

In spite of that, today was a rather monumental day.  Not only did I book my flight, but my visa arrived unexpectedly early.  Immediately following, I procured a new computer to use during my sojourn, and beyond.  It is an exquisite device, I must say.  It will be my window to the friends and family that I am leaving with the heaviest of hearts. 

The thought of the homesickness that will certainly ensue?  Frightening.  Terribly so. Worse, I have the dreadful sense that I have missed an opportunity here in Portland to find the reason to stay.  I want the adventure that Korea will provide, but I’ve learned that, yes, even I have a desire for something more than the immediate thrill of adventure.  Something that resides beyond myself and cannot be obtained independently or internally…